Can you keep secrets from your partner

But a body of research suggests they can negatively affect mental and even physical health. A paper suggests that keeping secrets from a partner makes him or her less trustful of the secret-keeper, which creates a cycle that ultimately damages the relationship, writes lead author Ahmet Uysal, Ph. A study out of the University of Santa Barbara suggests that unloading secrets helps people to stop stewing about the secret and thus increases the self-esteem of the revealer — but only when the person to whom they confess has a positive response.

It would be a mistake, however, to oversimplify the research findings and assume that secrets always cause harm and revealing them always makes things better. Karl Pillemer, Ph. Christine Hyde, Ph. John Paul Garrison, PsyD.

These effects depend heavily upon the individual, however, Garrison notes. The reality is that people cheat all over the place and are dishonest.

Most people, however, are honest because of one thing: fear. For one thing, the mind-wandering aspect of secret-keeping that Slepian wrote about in his study undeniably saps attention from your primary relationship. My husband is keeping a secret from me. I really love him and I fear that I may be losing him. I am going through a very difficult time. I was diagnosed with herpes in September.

He was talking to a woman. A camp cook. Both him and the woman had no remorse for what they have done to me. His ex wife was in on the secret phone too. She even asked how I found out about it. Not that it was wrong. A 3 ring circus with 3 morally wrong people with no morals or class in life.

Trailer trash. In a long distance relationship, he famous. Been 8month now. He is busy as I sit and wait I see him on social media. He only says a few words to me. When he measage me I been doing all the message to him. I know he says we are ment to be together. Just lately he has given me insecurities. Eish yah is bad when you find out is always your faults life is not fair. I just found out that my 4years stable girlfriend she gort married 5years back for money.

And she keepd it secretly for me till i have to dig for my self. Now she ask me to help her get divorce with him. Could be a one-time deal? Could be 11 years of deception? Either way, I want to die. She always said it was -us against the world-. I have nothing to live for. No friends. If you should tell them, chances are the gnawing guilt will let you know. The best way is normally to tell them, and then deal with the potential fall-out, rather than keeping it to yourself and worrying about them finding out further down the line.

It can be very beneficial for you to have a discussion with your partner at the beginning of your relationship and, between you, decide where the line is on big issues, like finance and infidelity. This is likely to have an impact on your intimacy and closeness and eat away at the foundations of your relationship. You might start to wonder what they might be hiding from you, too, which can lead to mistrust and paranoia. Job issues — If your job is under threat, they need to know, as it could have an impact on your life together.

Illness, both physical and mental — If you have a history of physical or mental health problems, or are experiencing them now, your partner has a right to know.

When we don't feel good about something, we don't want others to know, even if it's completely harmless. Randy Z. Depending on the day, he was spending up to four hours at a bathhouse, enjoying hot tubs, cold pools, and saunas while chatting with other patrons.

While the trips to the spa were entirely harmless, he didn't think his wife would understand the draw, which is why he chose to keep it from her to avoid having her make jokes at his expense. The experts say that Randy's decision to lie is caused by a feeling many people have towards their significant others at some point in the relationship-that he or she simply won't understand or accept us for the realities of who we truly are. While most couples really do want to be honest with each other, almost everyone ends up lying to their partner at one point or another.

They are intimate and private topics and, to some people, they can be the most embarrassing things to talk about," she explains. This was the case for Eric S. Some secrets are kept with the best intentions, as one partner is trying to protect his or her significant other from a hurtful truth.